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": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), "Can't Approve Overtime? Africa Browne et al. When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?". Have you heard about the lobster that ran out into the cold weather without its shell? All the other lobsters thought that he was cray-sea. One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean! The waiter got quiet and simply said, We just tell him the truth, man. Workplace. They're shellfish. After much argument, they decided on the name. How many beans does it take to make Irish bean soup? What kind of spells do leprechauns use? So, antsy to read these fun jokes? This should assuage any fears you might have about my capability to settle my tab, but I am happy to pay up front if you have any concerns. A girl goes out surfing but does not return home sick with worry, her parents ask for help and the lifeguard service heads out to find her. Claw-fee! Ones a crusty bus station. 0.1 miles from Temple Bar. Aodh Dochartaigh, Source: The Schools Collection, Vol. Lobsters moult in order to grow which leaves them vulnerable shedding their hard protective shell while the soft, bigger shell hardens. Have you heard, the new lobster neighbors didnt give any gifts to anyone on birthdays? Theyre quite shellfish. "I have crabs" After a while, she turned to me and said, "Dad, you look like a lobster.". They were too shellfish. +353 1 531 3810. The preacher again asks the drunk, For the love of God have you found Jesus?, The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and asks the preacher: Are you sure this is where he fell in?. Email. Spring Then I thought to myself, That way next time we go we know if we can bring her mother. Probably due to friendly rivalry between Liverpool and nearby Manchester, scousers have acquired the reputation of being thieves and . When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?". Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. The Irish, of course, are responsible for inventing whiskey, and they did so way back in the 14th century. An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley, proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. 1. Theyre calling it a Guinness World Record! ( Boxing Jokes) Maine: We're Really Cold. Heat the butter until foaming and quickly saut the lobster chunks in it, until just cooked but not coloured. Of course the lobster claws are not broken off anymore either. Anthony.". And the woman says, "Hey, it was only $5. Galway. My dream is to get an RV and travel around the world with my dog. Lets work through this. The bartender flips over the cover page and starts reading aloud. Plus, there are some St. Patrick's Day jokes, riddles, and puns that little leprechauns. ", Three guys one Irish, one English, and one Scottish are out walking along the beach together one day. The other lobsters said it was like a sea-n from a movie. Irishman in a car park - sending a prayer. I let them play in the water for a few minutes but when I whistle they come back to me. During this moulting progress they usually hide and several species change colour. Aivaras is a student trying to pave the way to his career in Marketing and advertisment creation. What did the lobster suggest when none of his friends could decide what they wanted to eat? He stepped up and told them, Water boat having some tofu curry for dinner.. 3. Why did the leprechaun go outside? They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. The waiter got quiet and simply said, "We just tell him the truth, man. Photo courtesy of Canva. McMillen starts crying. Its just that Ive decided to stop drinking., A drunk Irishman is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is swerving violently all over the road. What would you call a marine crustacean whos the gangster of the sea? The mobster lobster. A man saw a sign that said Lobster Tails, $5 and thought it was a good deal. The preacher turns around and recognizes the smell of alcohol, so he asks the drunk. Once upon a time there was a little lobster called Lenny and . Funny Lobster Puns. Some have been estimated to live up to the age of 50-70. An American lawyer asked Paddy: Why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question? kids eat free today A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters. Add the flour and stir until combined and continue to cook for another 1-2 minutes. directions. Hey Pandas, What Is Your Favorite Conspiracy Theory? The bad news is your daughter drowned, the good news is when we pulled her body from the water a dozen lobsters and 3 tunas were clinging onto her corpse, and the really good news is were pulling her up again tomorrow!. Even though the fishery returns much lower numbers now than nearly 100 years ago, Lobster is dealt as one of the most valuable landed species by Irish fleets. ", A shrimp and a lobster are seated to next to each other on a plane. ", "In Ireland, humans are given a PPS number and cats are given a PSPSPSPSPS number. The lobster answered the phone and said, "shell-o.". By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. The other is a busty crustacean, What's the difference between a greyhound bus station and a lobster wearing a bra? (Christmas Jokes), What did the tied up lobster fear more than boiling water? Claw-Strophobia. Lobsters scavenge for dead animals but . ", Not long into the flight the frustrated shrimp turns to the lobster and says, "Stop taking up so much room! "Hey, it was only $5. ", What's the difference between an old abandoned bus station and a lobster with breast implants? Browne et al. Ive just finished a pretty rough case and would like to get to drinking as soon as possible, so if we could skip over the usual jokes and just get through this without delay Id be much obliged. The bartender looks at the lobster carefully, but soon nods in agreement. Hey Pandas, Who Was Your Favorite Black History Month Icon You Learned About This BHM? "If only I had a reason to wear this green shirt" - inventor of St. Patrick's Day. Nothing, theyre both fictional characters. A crushed asian. A man goes to a $10 hooker Lobster, Lobster Tail and Beer, $20.00 : Jokes From The Rock. Youve gone mad.. Waiter: Can I take your order sir, kids eat free today. Dublin can be magic, and by magic I mean its pretty good at making my bike disappear.". So the police let him place the lobsters in the water and command the man to call them back. Whats the perfect name for a pet lobster? #shellfish". Videos During Lockdown "Oh no," I replied, "Am I burning?" The Irish Potato Famine was a period in Irish history where mass starvation took place, and loads of people died of famine and disease, which of course saw swathes of people emigrating the country just to stay alive. Warm the whiskey slightly, pour over the lobster and CAREFULLY set fire to it. gasped and the King Lobster rose from his throne. For Italians, such a stereotype would be based on pasta and pizza, for Finnish people on their introverted qualities, and for us Lithuanians, its, well, potatoes. 5. It's my favorite day of the year. Have you heard about the lobster that rode a sea mammal into battle? He did it on porpoise. "A lobster, when left high and . Best Lobster Quotes. So the next day, he goes back to complain. Every night, an Irishman walks into a bar and orders three shots of whiskey. They had super cauliflower cheese but lobster was atrocious, I saw a roadside stand with a sign that said "Lobster Tails-$2". Did you hear about the big fight between the blue lobsters and the red lobsters? One is a crusty bus station. Although admittedly, the prospect of coming face-to-face with one at the beach freaks us out a bit we blame it on the claws and the fact that they urinate out of their faces. The Smart Bettor. A man is walking down the street in Dublin when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says cruises on Liffey River - $100. Best Irish Sayings That Are Timeless And Relatable, 9 Best Pubs In Kilkenny To Have A Pint and More. 40 Parliament St, Dublin 2, Dublin D02 W889 Ireland. Waiter: Can I take your order sir, kids eat free today. Lets thank the lobster tanks at the grocery store for helping lighten their image! ( Labor Day Jokes & Bread Jokes) A man ordered lobster for dinnerAnd when the waiter brought it to him, he complained, "Hey, this lobster has only one claw!"The waiter said, "That lobster was in a fight.""Okay then," replied the man, "Bring me the winner!". She asks him why he is walking in this manner now. One lobster took another lobster out on a date. I come from Dublin. "I am now supporting America in the World Cup because some of them could be Irish people who were sold by the nuns. Most of the time, you purchase them by the pound. What is the first thing that parent lobsters teach their children lobsters? Its that they should not allow a turtle stranger in their homes or premises. The lobster asks "but why?". 'I haven't been feeling myself lately', Sheamus replied. For a moment there, I thought Id gone deaf.. The European lobster (Homarus gammarus) is dark blue with cream or yellow spots above, with the underside a more uniform yellow colour. This is a legal contract that covers all the questions usually asked of me whenever I walk into a bar. It pulled a mussel! Here's a list of amazing puns to choose from for the next family get-together: 1. Where do lobsters and crabs go when they have to catch their trains? They all go to Kings Crustation. What do you call an annoyed lobster? In which part of the bread factory do lobsters work? The crust station. Food ", I get the sentiment, but England doesn't enter - it is the UK - this makes it harder to decide who to enter and gives more reasons not to vote for us! You can't. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. county assessor property search; before the llama sings at dusk meaning; irish lobster joke; iunie 22, 2022; derby uni term dates 2021/22,. The lobster asked its friend the catfish, Who is your cod-father?. This is the end of the line. A frustacean! Why did the lobster take such a long time to learn just the basics of the English alphabet? Probably because he spent a lot of years at C. Have you heard about the lobster who started going to the gym? It pulled a mussel. The answer is (B) a flounder. Sense of Humor Robertas, nicknamed the Comma Inquisitor by friends, is a Bored Panda writer and content creator. So the next day, he goes back to complain and the woman says Hey it was only $5, what did you expect? 1. Lobster? Crabs on your organ. Ireland you money, if you promise to pay me back. A crab, a tuna, a lobster, and a Chinese man being run over by a steam roller. What did the ocean say to the lobster when they saw each other? Nothing, it just waved. Old man Murphy and old man Sean are contemplating life when Murphy asks, If you had to get one or the other would you rather get Parkinsons or Alzheimers?. said O'. As all Irish know, humor is a hugely important, intrinsic part of our culture. ralph roberts real estate; woody's daily specials; david hoeppner candice bergen; how to change your background on a school chromebook; guy fieri kitchen and bar locations; fraser building dunedin; That figure in 2020 was down to 546,215 kilograms, worth EUR 7.97 million (USD 9.5 million), suggesting a drop in price as well as volume. A man saw a sign that said "Lobster Tails, $5" and thought it was a good deal. Lobster? If you cross a telephone and a lobster what will you get? Snappy talk. A castration crustacean. He came to a busy intersection where a traffic officer was directing cars and pedestrians. Share: "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total," says the genie. You can read more about it and change your preferences. Its upsetting lobster is supposed to be a Maine attraction. ", A man goes to a $5 lady of the night Continue with Recommended Cookies, Funny Jokes Today Jokes Irish Jokes Thatll Make You Laugh as Hard as a Guinness. But despite living in several countries, my love for Ireland remains the same. 40 Parliament St, Dublin 2, Dublin D02 W889 Ireland. A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans. Email. Someone drove through Portland looking for lobster but couldnt find any. The Irish just had to seize every opportunity to make a pun, point out an irony, make fun of their love for beer or whiskey even the dead arent spared. Please check link and try again. Funny Irish Jokes: Mistaken Identity. It's just a lobster. image.frompo.com. "When life gives you lemons, order the lobster tail." ~ Ziad K. Abdelnour. He went with you to the beer factory.Paddy shook his head. The barman, using his hand to mimick one of the lobsters pincers opening and closing, says you always come in here, giving it all that.. 'Don't. worry about it Dr Cullen, I'll come back when you're sober.'. These pots are made from rods and a flat board. As Paddy leaves the site, Murphy starts packing his things to leave as well. The crustacean playing tennis was a true lob-star. Of course, we do not want to say that all Irish folks are drunkards apt for debauchery. This article was originally published on April 5, 2021, A Man Went Viral For Refusing To Give Up His Spot On A Ride To A Crying Child, An American Mom Shares The Utter Magic Of Danish Playgrounds. https://homeguides.sfgate.com/botany-difference-between-clover-shamrock-plants-81823.html, "You know what? HUMOUR PRODUCTION He said he was twelve years old before he learned that fuckingenglish wasn't one word. A man goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs. What did the confused lobster ask when he didnt understand? Can you please be a little more pacific? He says: "So what's bothering you?". Did you hear about the lobster that rode a sea mammal into battle? ', He gave the man behind the stand a $5 bill and awaited his tail. he goes back to complain, and the hooker tells him "what did you expect for 10$, lobster? The Lobsters all stopped their dancing, the Princess. 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Super simple to cook and absolutely delicious with a bit of citrusy aioli or whatever way your heart desires! Having crabs on yer organ! When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster? Anyone can write on Bored Panda. A lobster was crying because his teacher called him a lost claws. Landing a lobster pun can be challenging so go by the basics and keep it casual. Given the terms crab, tuna, lobster, and Chinese guy caught in an avalanche of boulders, which does not fit? Here are 20 of the best Irish jokes to get your friends Dublin over with laughter. Did he have any last requests?, He said, Please Mary, put down that damn gun., Paddy asks, Will you be walking or driving?. It would remind you of a big cage. Live Reg Lobster (1 - 1 lb) Rating: 100%. I went to the beach yesterday and stopped at this stall with a sign that said Lobster Tails $1. What is the perfect name for a pet lobster? Clawde. What's the difference between a lobster with breast implants and a New York bus station? Didnt you meet a beautiful crustacean the other day? Yes, but it seems that I lobst her phone number. Hes way to shellfish for our taste. Not one horse could get a decent footing on the cathedral roof. that's shellfish. Several minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at Collins again, and says, I just screwed your mum, and it was grand!. Call who back?. Then the proprietor says, "Once upon a time, there was this lobster". Where do crabs and lobsters park their public transport vehicles? At the Bustacean. #2. We just get better at brilliantly agreesive sarcasm. I thought that was a good deal, so I gave the man the money and he said Once upon a time there was a lobster, Waitress, do you have a lobster tail? ", One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean, After a while, he looked at me and said, "You're look like a lobster.". You can change your preferences. Remove all the meat, including the claws, retain the shell for serving. Oh no, the barman says. A lobster was thinking about proposing, and his best friend asked if he was shore. Whats worse than lobsters on your piano? At a goodbye party, one lobster told his colleague that he was one shell of a guy. Lobsters are caught in lobster-pots. He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car.He says: "Have you been drinking? The pots are left hanging from the rope into the sea. I ate at Mary Poppins Restaurant last night. "What the shell?". Go home, Dad, youre pissed!, A cop pulls up two Irish drunks, and says to the first, Whats your name and address?, He answers, Im Daniel, of no fixed address.. Once upon a time, there was a little lobster..". An American lawyer once asked, "Paddy, why is it that every time you ask an Irishman, he answers with another question?". Ireland Travel Guides was born because of this passion and hopefully, in some little ways, this website will be able to help you on your next trip to Ireland. I don't get it Who's St Anthony? To get started with the Irish jig, follow these steps: 1) Serve people a lot of alcohol and. So the next day, he goes back to complain and the woman says Hey it was only $5, what did you expect? Lobster-fishing is carried on in Iorrus in the summer and in the autumn. When the priest looked at the bottle, he said, Good Lord! 4. Please enter your email to complete registration. It is a very profitable business because sixpence per pound is got for them. After a while, she turned to me and said, "Dad, you look like a lobster." Just very ugly.". ", Bono and the Edge walk into a bar in Dublin. The barman exclaims, "Not U2 again!!! Lobster-Fishing in Iorrus. Ask her anything! One is in America and the other is in Australia, and we do this to feel like were all still drinking together.. How can Irish people tell when its summer? Find qualified tutors in your area today! Thanks. The lobster said itd be hard for him to retire, as he was tide to his company. 2) Just before he died he went drinking with his mates. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. The next day, she notices that he is walking normally in a zigzag pattern. Which one doesn't match up? While dining at a restaurant, crack lobster puns and jokes to make everyone laugh. When the waiter brought it to him, he complained, Hey, this lobster only has one claw! The waiter explained, That lobster was in a fight. OK, then, replied the man. Lobster puns and lobster jokes are a blast for people who happen to be fans of marine crustaceans. Difference between Port Authority and a lobster with breast implants? More say he rose again and joined the British army. Flies in a pint. "Lord," he prayed. Whats the difference between an Irish-American and someone born in Ireland?Ones been to Ireland. Whats the difference between an Irish-American and someone born in Ireland? Dchas.ie hold a great collection of stories and photographs on the Irish cultural heritage of lobster fishing, here exemplifies through the lucrative lobster business in the early 20th century (Dchas.ie). They cant find any other worthy opponents. Liam left Dublin to go up to Belfast for a bit of skydiving, On Sunday afternoon, he was found in a tree by a farmer, What happened? asks the farmer. It is a must that you crack a funny lobster pun every time you are on a Sunday brunch with your family. What's a let down Chinese lobster called? Dublin. All are marine and benthic (bottom-dwelling), and most are nocturnal. In my free time, I love going to art galleries, exhibitions, concerts or just hanging out in nature with my friends. Werent you a professional lobster fisherman? Yes, but it seems that living on my net income was harder than I thought beforehand. Eric finished his degree in primary education. Temple Bar. Lobster Lawyer: He goes up to the bartender and says: Look, before you can serve me, I need to advise you that Im a lawyer. Blimey A lobster lawyer? Scouse jokes are among the funniest you will find in the world. "This lobster's my butter half.". by Mark Molloy | Jun 14, 2022 | Education, Latest News, School Jokes. In the case of these jokes, Irish servants provided a counterbalancing force to employers' sense of entitlement without explicitly challenging their command over the domestic scene. "Do not be shellfish. The priest waits for Finnegan to start talking. A man ordered lobster for dinnerAnd when the waiter brought it to him, he complained, Hey, this lobster has only one claw!The waiter said, That lobster was in a fight.Okay then, replied the man, Bring me the winner!. Irish puns are so O'ffensive! Mature female lobsters can carry up to 40,000 eggs depending upon their size and age, with the oldest and largest females carrying the most. Sign up for Scary Mommy's daily newsletter for more stories from the trenches. A delicacy in modern Irish cuisine, lobster (Irish name - Gliomaigh) was once considered the poor man's chicken. Let us know what you think! One night, the bartender finally asks him why he always drinks exactly three shots. I asked. What do you call a lobster thats afraid of tight spaces? Claw-strophobic. What's a lobster's favorite part of a build-your-own-pizza bar? They asked him to be more Pacific. Location and contact. Q: Did you know why God invented whiskey? What would you call a lobster thats always annoyed? A frustacean. I did all right, the drunk answers with a smile. The arancini are made with pearled barley and "loads of Irish cheese," Mc Gee says, and are served with parsley mayonnaise. It was one O'Micron. Its be-claws I love you, the lobster said. Hi, Im Christine a full-time traveler and career woman. Seamus, another round! the first tells him, And so it went. Whats a lobsters favorite part of a build-your-own-pizza bar? The crust station. Im gonna pretend Ive gone mad!. ", One's a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean. Funny Quotes and Sayings Score: 1. This is the end of the line. One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean. Here are 60 funny lobster jokes and the best lobster puns to crack you up. To sit on his paddy-o. 2) Make sure that you have locked the bathroom door. Have you heard that there was a big fight between the blue lobsters and the red lobsters? The other lobsters were saying it was like a sea-n was from a movie. Lobster? Waiter, waiter, this lobsters only got one claw. Except me mammy, of course!". What do you call a lobster that's afraid of tight spaces? Ooops! 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"I got in a car accident today because this total Masshole decided to bang a uey and crashed into me." Although all Massachusetts residents can technically be "Massholes," Boston drivers are often on the receiving end of this ahem term of endearment. 8. stickman swing cool math; ufc gym plantation; how to send certified mail with return receipt; bronwydd house porth history Here are five of the very best Irish jokes that will get the whole bar laughing! He immediately smells alcohol on the priests breath and sees an empty wine bottle in the car. That way next time we go we know if we can bring her mother. How? This is the end of the line. An Irish priest is driving along a country road when a policeman pulls him over. The Quickest Way To Cork. +353 1 531 3810. +353-1-896-1663, Trinity Centre for Environmental Humanities Room A6 003 6th floor Arts Block Trinity College Dublin College Green Dublin 2, View the contact page for more contact and location information, Trinity Centre for Environmental Humanities > Projects > Food Smart Dublin > Recipes, Trinity College Dublin, The University of Dublin, Trinity Centre for Environmental Humanities. Ireland Travel Guides aims to help travelers to find their way for the first time in Ireland. He walks into the church and goes straight to the confessional box. Here's your dose of Irish humor the corny kind. Id rather have Parkinsons, Sean answers. A cop pulls him over. What did the angry lobster do when his phone started ringing? "Im an Irish atheist which means I believe in science and the power of St. Ones a crusty bus station, and the others a Busty Crustacean. So, if you picked a big one, you undoubtedly enjoyed a rather expensive meal. Which one doesn't match up? Irish Lobsters (Homarus Gammarus) 30.00 - 44.00. A few minutes later, another comes in and they start a conversation. What did the leprechaun say when the video game ended? Why were the lobsters scoring at the lowest end of the C? Thats because they all dropped out of school. Click here to view. They get tied-up with rubber bands while still on board and the lobsters are kept in a box covered with a damp cloth to keep them wet, cool and alive. One is a busty crustacean and the other is a crusty bus-station! I had a girlfriend that went scuba diving can't wait to go to Ireland. Im sorry for your loss. "The priest looks at the bottle and says: "Good Lord! The lobster did not come to work because he had pulled a mussel. Family Friendly Celebration These jokes about lobsters are great lobster jokes for kids and adults. His favourites are Star Wars and Chuck Norris. "There is no paper on this side, either!". He again pulls him out of the water and asks, Have you found Jesus, me brother?, The drunk shakes his head, No, I havent found Jesus.. The lobster blushed because the sea weed. What's the difference is between a lobster with breast implants and a filthy bus depot? The Dubliner (2 Center Plaza, Boston) opens June 27 and will operate from 11 a.m. to 2 a.m. Monday through Friday and 10 a.m. to 2 a.m. Saturday and Sunday. Your account is not active. The barman said to Paddy, Your glass is empty, can I get you another one?. 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